toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
