We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
