At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
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Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
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When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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