I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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