He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
