My friends, they love my intelligence
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
