Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
