My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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