You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
