the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
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Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
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I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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