I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
