That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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