I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
sex in a hospital.. check
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
