Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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