I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
