Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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