is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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