Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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