Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
