After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
