I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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