I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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