I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
