It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
