she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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