well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
