too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
