apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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