Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
