new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
