I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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