you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
