I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
