you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
