there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
