Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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