4 words: hood of his car
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
