TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
