Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
