So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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