I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize