you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
