Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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