that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
