he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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