The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
