So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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