Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
