i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
