when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
