Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Found your dick twin last night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
