I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
