well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
