She's JV to your varsity
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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