can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
