I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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