Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
