My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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