a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
