I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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