it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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