Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
