I only kidnapped one of them. chill
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
