You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
