so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
