dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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