I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
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He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
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Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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