You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
