you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
