I like my sex mixed with concussions.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
