I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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