She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
